emerging
It's 9pm. Not that it matters, but as I glance at the clock I am aware of the seeming disparity between that clock's reality and my own. It feels at least midnight.
Confusion is the beginning of learning.
My days are spotted with random moments of tearshed. For what? I'm not sure in this moment. I only know that I am opening and softening. It is good.
It began with awareness that I am holding on to tension, confusion, ideas that don't work anymore. My penchant to hold tight winds it's way around control, the two intertwining into a deadly noose swinging high in the wind, awaiting first my victims and then myself.
Can I envision BEing still, BEing happy, BEing soulful and mindful and at peace? Can I envision just BE-ing?
Can I just BE?
Am I willing to let go of control with complete abandon? THAT is the only real question in this moment.
No, that is the only real answer.
I wander away from the computer to feel the fullness of my inner questions without radiated screen glaring into my searching eyes.
I seek within myself. There, I find not only questions, but answers before the questions can ever be asked.
It is good.