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Mystical and magical experiences are so often used to divert our attention from what IS. They are not enlightenment, nor will they lead to it. The ego that is the illusion of the separate Me runs and dances and plays in the magic while hiding from the Truth that IS. Beyond the illusion, I watch the dance and play and see that it is all illusion, and I find Truth.
Enlightenment is beyond the illusion, quite ordinary.
From the centre of stillness, I watch my self participate in the illusion, this story I've created for myself. I question why I feel so defensive of it, though it brings pain. A thought asserts itself within me, "How's that workin' for ya?" The celebrity voice of Dr. Phil resounds in my "inner" ear. Of all the wise sages here and gone, annoyance that it is he who comes to me, then relaxing into the humour of it as I real-eyes my own seriousness.
I need not question any further, just BE in this moment.
It's 9pm. Not that it matters, but as I glance at the clock I am aware of the seeming disparity between that clock's reality and my own. It feels at least midnight.
Confusion is the beginning of learning.
My days are spotted with random moments of tearshed. For what? I'm not sure in this moment. I only know that I am opening and softening. It is good.
It began with awareness that I am holding on to tension, confusion, ideas that don't work anymore. My penchant to hold tight winds it's way around control, the two intertwining into a deadly noose swinging high in the wind, awaiting first my victims and then myself.
Can I envision BEing still, BEing happy, BEing soulful and mindful and at peace? Can I envision just BE-ing?
Can I just BE?
Am I willing to let go of control with complete abandon? THAT is the only real question in this moment.
No, that is the only real answer.
I wander away from the computer to feel the fullness of my inner questions without radiated screen glaring into my searching eyes.
I seek within myself. There, I find not only questions, but answers before the questions can ever be asked.
It is good.